I Hope Someone Hears Me...

Hi!

There is something incredibly enticing about having a presence here. Amidst the mind-numbingly neurotic comments on Youtube videos, that make me want to take a blunt meat cleaver to the face of the next member of humanity my judgemental little eyes come across, to the delusional self-professed geniuses that work tirelessly on proving to the rest of their species that instead of being the product of an in-family marriage where their mother took narcotics during their development, they are in fact amicable fellows who have something positive to contribute to my life. Oh dear, the sentence makes no sense now.

As evidence shows, I’m prone to tangents. I promise sentences will be shorter and will make more sense from now on. I really do. Don’t leave me, we’ve only just met. I’ll change for you!

You might’ve noticed my clever strategy of avoiding the point of what I’m trying to say by assaulting your mind with pointless ideas. I do that quite a bit, it’s a lot more fun than talking about what you actually need to discuss. But what the hell, I’m going to give it try. Wish me luck!

I don’t know what to do. I’m going to blame you, collective internet people. You seem like such a lovely audience, and for a pie-man such as myself with wares to sell such as these, people who accept you are absolutely wonderful. They’re the most brilliant people in the world, and I love them.

And that’s the problem, unfortunately. It’s becoming more and more apparent that your sympathy and helpfulness was just a ruse to make me look like a fool. When I was thinking about doing this, my thought process went like this:

Me: ‘They look like they’re having fun. They get to write things on the internet. I’m bored. I want to do something new. I want to do that. I’ll write on the internet. I don’t know what I’ll write about, I’m sure it’ll all work out.’

But it didn’t. I like to think I’m decent at improvising and thinking on the spot, but I’m not. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but being spontaneous has its disadvantages. Like a blog that hasn’t got anything to be filled with. Like an unstuffed turkey. Like a club for gamelan enthusiasts. It’s not a good thing.

This is a cry for help. I’m lost and confused, and I don’t know where I am. Help me.

P.S. The name of the blog is there for show, I’m still undecided on what the final name will be. It might end up staying, or not, who knows? Not me.

P.P.S. I’m not normally this rude. Or I hope not. You’ll have to judge that for yourself.